I’ve been married for almost 5 months, which means I definitely don’t know everything about being a wife or have the key to marriage all figured out.

But hang with me because I think we can talk this one out.

I’m not going to lie to you, I was trying so hard to think of Christmas-y themed blog posts to write, and I was so writers-blocked that all I could think of was a gift round-up for our husbands. I ended up looking up a million posts about the best gifts, gifts for your husband, Christmas gifts for newly-wed couples on a tight budget (pretty specific, huh?), and honestly I just wasn’t feeling it. I tried dang hard too.

But maybe it wasn’t actually a mistake or a complete failure because it made me come to this conclusion: My husband doesn’t actually need or want any gift that badly from me.

You can buy the biggest and best gift for your spouse/boyfriend/etc., and yes, that shows thoughtfulness and care, but gifts are no substitute for genuine love and gratitude for someone, and if you legit don’t have the money for gifts or nice things let me clue you in—YOU DON’T NEED THEM! NOT A SINGLE ONE!

I mean, just look at a few movies and you’ll quickly conclude that many of the biggest gifts are simply cover-ups for a lack of care and attention. Money buys love, right? You give a big gift means you care a lot, right?

I’m not shaming big gifts AT ALL, but just acknowledging that they don’t need to have as much weight as we give them. We don’t need to stress out if we can’t find the perfect one or can’t afford something big.

Because the more I think about it, it’s the care that my husband shows me that warms me inside. It’s the way he watches me closely when he surprises me just to see my eyes light up, or the way he pays attention when I need certain things or offers to massage my feet after a long day. He is patient and loving and considerate, and that is a gift to me all year long.

But even if your man isn’t quite like that, you’ve probably heard The 5 Love Love Languages or any other book or speaker on relationship building/mending say—sometimes you have to put in the work and show the love first in order to receive it back (I am definitely still learning how to do that).

And there is literally no man who isn’t going to relish in being spoiled by your thoughtfulness this Christmas. You can buy him everything he wants, but make sure you shower him in gratitude, compliments (it’s totally cool to get cheesy and go overboard!), and extra bits of thoughtfulness.

The one gift you HAVE to get him is probably the cheapest and easiest of everything on your list this year. I say probably because sometimes we get tired and caught up in Christmas rush and planning and partying and gift buying and you-name-it.

And for me sometimes it’s stress and expectation from work, in-laws, my side hustle—and I need a daily reminder that this holiday represents the biggest gift that we ever received—our precious Jesus—ultimately a gift of love that I can show thankfulness for by simply resting in the glory of it, and then giving it away again.

Especially and specifically giving it away to my husband. He will not only feel loved and special, but also honored and respected because I am submitting to him in this way. I am showing him that he is worthy of my heart, something way way way more valuable than the dollar bills in my wallet.

Okay okay, I really hate those vague blog posts that don’t spill the real meat and value but just work you up and try and sell you the idea without the details…so here’s a few ideas to get you started spoiling your husband (no budget required!)

Write him a love letter. And make it a tear-jerker if you’re really going to get serious about it. Need a prompt? Write about the day you met or fell in love.
Or, if that seems too hard, grab a small stack of notes and write things you admire, respect, appreciate, and love about him and give him one each day up until Christmas or all at once on Christmas.
Take the time to prepare his favorite meal with care for exactly how he likes it, the side dishes, some drinks, and a thoughtful dinner setting.
Set a night aside, put your phone away, and ask him what his favorite Christmas movie is. Cuddle with no distractions, or if you are game players, figure out what fun activity he’d like to do while you watch.
Take charge in the bedroom (seriously, stop blushing). Wear something fun for him and give him special attention. Or take charge of making it happen several nights in a row or on certain days.
This one you can always do: When he gets home from work, stop whatever you are doing, jump up and grab him in your best I missed you! hug, or whatever affection he loves most (this one seems a little innocent and cheesy, but I swear that can really make a person feel special and loved).

Okay, you can figure out the rest and what fits your guy best, but don’t discount the little gestures that help keep your spark alive and are truly some of the biggest gifts your husband can receive.

Trust me, he won’t forget the gift of you and your love anytime soon. They will outlast any Christmas toy you can find on the best list or on sale at Amazon.