Do you ever sit down with your husband or boyfriend and just feel like you have absolutely nothing to talk about? It’s the same old same old and you’ve already had all of those intriguing, fun conversations that you had when you first started dating and could flirt and have fun for hours at a time.

Yep, been there. For how quiet I generally am, I’m pretty much a chatterbox with my husband and can talk his ear off, but sometimes it’s been a long week, we’ve both been busy with work and barely had time for anything fun or different than any other week, and it just seems like there isn’t any spark left in the relationship.

To be honest that is one of my biggest fears. I have this nightmare thought of going out on a cute date night and getting to the restaurant and starting at each other because we just don’t have anything to say to one another. I don’t want to get 20 years down the road in our marriage and be so routine and complacent that my husband starts to find me boring and not what he remembered.

And on top of that, I want to feel connection, to understand my husbands joys and sorrows, to grow together spiritually, to dream big together and make an impact with our marriage. Maybe that’s a lot to expect, but I think it’s totally possible and something God desires for us too.

Sometimes, though, life is busy and both my husband and I are going in our own directions and it’s hard to know what our path as a couple should look like. There’s no guide book or set of checkpoints to have a great marriage, and even though that’s no different than our own lives or having children, marriage is a little different ballgame because it’s two independent thinking people who can very easily grow a part if they don’t make a conscious effort to move in the same direction.

I want to guess that other than specific issues, that lack of planning together is probably one of the biggest reasons couples start to drift and lose that special connection that they once felt, and, unfortunately, just a little drifting can cause huge unhappiness and ultimately a more serious separation.

I have seen it with so many couples, some that are close and special to me, and althought they are still together and living life, something is just off. They don’t have that sparkle in their eyes for one another or share how they are really feeling to each other, and I so understand that. Even just being married a short time I understand how easy it is to have days when marriage is completely un-glamorous and you just feel like you live with a roommate, or you just want to do your own thing and resent having someone else to plan around.

BUT, I have also seen some incredible marriages and seen proof that you can still be head over heels for one another and do some really cool things together as a couple for your life, family, and God. It’s inspiring! And I want that! I want my husband to feel loved and understood and supported today and just the same 25 years from now. I want to have goals and dreams together and to stay on the same page about what is important to our family, and to be honest I wasn’t really sure how to make that happen or even just make an effort towards it until this summer.

I never thought I would be someone who would need a tool or some kind of support in order to know how to love my husband well and grow a strong marriage together, but I’m here to say that adding one in has been incredibly helpful and amazing.

Enter—The Marriage Journal—a physical journal created by Audrey and Jeremy Roloff that gives couples a way to have weekly communication prompts, devotionals, pencil in activities, and also set pillars for their marriage.

This is not sponsored at all, but I just happened to come across the journal this summer and it has been such a good tool for my husband and I. Basically the beginning of the book has you sit down together, answer some questions about your marriage and what is important to both of you, and then every week there is a devotional and 6 questions that guide you through what brought each of you joy, what was hard, something you can do for one another, and more.

It sounds so simple, but honestly I didn’t think to have a weekly check in before or know really what we should be talking about during that time. I know I want my husband and I to dream together and make plans for our life and make smart financial decisions, etc., but what does that actually look like? How do we get to that bigger picture?

The journal has been really helpful because it gives us a specific time to check in on what went well and what didn’t each week, what we have been excited about lately, what we can be praying for, and just time to really sit down and listen to each other and what’s been on our hearts.

While we could do that on our own, the journal gives us a reason to make it happen every week, a place we can look back on next year or years down the road, and leaves no excuse for us not to know how the other person is doing. It even helps us approach our conflicts in a healthy way rather than waiting for a blow up or disregarding one of our hurt feelings.

I think the other benefit of this regular meeting time is that we learn what things hurt and bring joy to one another and can use that information to love each other better throughout the week and also be more helpful to each other. We are always trying to support and encourage and have fun, but the journal adds one more way for us to connect and make sure we aren’t letting weeks go by without really talking (cause let’s be real, that can totally happen if we’re not careful!)

Oh, and I forgot to mention that once a month the journal also has you check in about how you are doing intimately and financially. As if it wasn’t already awesome enough!

So far I think this is the only tool we have went out and bought to help us build and grow our marriage (other than Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, another awesome and hugely impactful financial tool!), but I have a feeling I will find more to add over the years because I’m all for anything that helps guide us toward being better and not becoming complacent, ya know?

What traditions/tools/practices have you started that you really like? I would truly love to know your experiences and what has helped you so we can build a network of support and encouragement for couple’s everywhere!