Lessons From a Dead Christmas Tree - How We Can Redeem Our Imperfections
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I’m embarrassed to admit it, but we got home after getting OUR VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TREE last weekend, and I started fluffing the branches to fan them out a bit…and what catches me eye but BROWN NEEDLES!
Not a SINGLE pine needle on the inside layers near the trunk was green.
Literally all BROWN! :(
If I wasn’t such a cheap skate and we hadn’t just spent an hour hauling the darn thing out of the car and into the apartment, trying desperately not to let a needle touch our precious landlord’s floor—I would’ve gone right back and bought a new tree!
And I would’ve scoured those darn needles for any hints of dead-ness! Hindsight is 20/20 right?
Well, here we are, with our dead tree that is barely holding onto to his life, and he’s honestly just fooling the outside world, ya know? He’s all green and sprucey on the outside, trying to make our first Christmas extra special, but inside he is a hot mess.
Okay, I promise to stop going on about the tree like it’s our dog or child (just so you know, though, his name is Sprucester), but the point is that this whole tree situation got me to thinking about my own outward appearance vs. inner defects and issues.
So here’s my thought process..
Marriage, especially in the first months or years (or anytime, really) is supposed to look pretty. It’s supposed to work out and you’re supposed to be happy. Maybe I’m just generalizing, but you get married because you’re in love, and then the precedent is that you are supposed to feel so full of love and lust for life >>>>OUTER GREEN LAYER THAT’S SPRUCEY and BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, in the story books the couples don’t get married and then become depressed and frustrated and not sure what life is supposed to look like, but, if I’m being honest, I have felt all of those things since getting married>>>>INNER BROWN, SUFFERING NEEDLES HIDDEN FROM SIGHT.
It hasn’t been long term or because of huge issues. In fact, I have the most loving husband on the earth who constantly showers me with praise and compliments, I have a good job that pays decent, and we are fitting expenses within our budget and having some great times together.
If I just told you those things, I would appear like our sweet Christmas tree that is green and robust and covered with beautiful decorations.
But there’s a lot more to the story. This transition from college-life, living at home with parents, no real expectations/responsibilities to, doing what I believe God was asking my now-husband and I to do, getting married, has been a real challenge.
You go from being sort-of defined by your parents and what they do and where they live to (if you’re like us) moving several hours away in a place where no one knows you and having to make all of those decisions and impressions on your own…it’s HARD.
My husband graduated college and we waited for him to find a job to decided where we would live (since our home towns are hours apart), and then I had to find a job at that point. As an English major without a lot of experience, I had no clue what I was supposed to do.
To shorten this up…I suffered with missing my parents, being afraid I wasn’t going to be able to help support us financially, wallowing in inferiority and shame because I made so much less money than my husband, floating in uncertainty about my role as a wife and if I was doing good enough, and even once I got a job I stressed greatly because I didn’t know what I supposed to be doing there and I deal with sometimes-major social anxiety.
On top of all of this, we hadn’t and really still have not made much community where we live, which equals no one but my husband and sometimes my mom to hear my struggles and listen to me fret about them.
…that seems pretty brown and ugly to me.
Honestly, I’m not so unlike our sad Christmas tree. I have the best and brightest smile (not to brag or anything, just your high school best smile award right here) when I’m at work and around other people, just like the pretty outsides of our tree, but inside sometimes I struggle.
I am a Christian and I love God so much and am working to kill some of these dark things, but they still taunt and tempt us sometimes, am I right?
Christians don’t just magically get to side-step the hard things in life, but I think sometimes we like to pretend we have it all together and don’t want to show people our shady insides.
That Christmas tree sitting in our living room has its share of issues, but that doesn’t disqualify it from bringing us joy and filling our home with love and reminders of Jesus. Yes, the tree isn’t a Christian symbol, but to me it is a daily reminder of the celebration we get to be a part of every single year, and that tree is still loved and doing its part in our home.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16
That’s my takeaway from this little analogy in my head: that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US, whether we are struggling or feeling stronger than every in our faiths, CAN AND IS CALLED TO BE REMINDERS OF JESUS.
How cool is that? We don’t have to have it all together, and we shouldn’t be expected to either. God is challenging and growing us constantly, and honestly the devil is attacking us frequently as well, especially if we are really trying to be vessels of faith.
That means we are going to be a little messy sometimes, and I’m challenging myself during these times to, first, make sure I am sharing that with people and being real about my struggles, even if they are ugly, and, second, I am shining a light and loving people and seeking God’s purpose and will even when I don’t feel qualified or successful myself.
I hope that this resonates with you, whether you are a wife or single or going through a trial or not, and maybe just smile and be reminded that imperfection doesn’t equal inability and disqualification.
